Chuckle and Hide: Cubs’ Inconsistent Play Resembles Black Comedy

Remember when the Cubs opened July with four straight wins, then rebounded from a loss to the Cardinals with an 11-0 drubbing to take five of their first six in the month? That was cool. Losing two of three in Minnesota was followed by taking their last two games of the first half in the Bronx to put the Cubs firmly in position as legit contenders. Then they opened the second half with two wins over a Red Sox team that came in winners of 10 straight.

Since then, however, the Cubs have gone 8-11 to fall six games back in the division. Just running into a stretch of bad luck would be one thing, but the bigger issue seems to be a general lack of consistency. They seem to either blow teams out or fail to score enough to produce competitive games. Since the start of July, the Cubs are 14-2 when scoring five or more runs. They’re 4-14 when scoring four or fewer runs in that same stretch. They’re averaging exactly six runs per game in those 18 wins and 2.375 in 16 losses.

And two of those wins were 1-0 affairs, so imagine how things would look if they hadn’t been able to hold on.

Craig Counsell‘s team hasn’t won consecutive games in 10 days now, and they’ve routinely been dispatched by pitchers who have no business shutting them down. It’s gotten to the point where all you can do is laugh at a particular brand of unintentional dark comedy that plays like highly uncomfortable performance art. Cubs games are like watching a bunch of amateur Andy Kaufman impersonators all doing their own thing with little regard for producing a cohesive show.

Consider that Matt Shaw leads the team with seven home runs in the second half and has produced the Cubs’ only offense with a dinger in two of their last five games. Both were losses, of course. No other two teammates combined have more homers than Shaw since the break, and the trio of Kyle Tucker, Seiya Suzuki, and Pete Crow-Armstrong — which regularly sets up 2-3-4 in the order — has combined for just five longballs. Are you chuckling yet?

Maybe this will get you there. While the Cubs have been busy trying to find their ass with both hands and a flashlight, the Brewers became the best team in baseball. After a 2-3 start to July, they rattled off 11 straight wins. Then they lost three of four and proceeded to win 12 of their last 13. If they can beat the Pirates on Monday, they’ll have two double-digit win streaks in the last six weeks or so. As things currently stand, they’ve gained 10 games in the division since July 7.

You have to laugh because the only alternative is to cry. Or to completely detach yourself by retreating to a void in which emotion is but a fading echo. Thank god for off days, amirite?

It’s just wild to see the winningest manager in Brewers’ history piloting the Cubs as his old team continues to stretch its lead by playing well and catching every break along the way. The Brewers are like a less heralded version of the Rays in that they keep chugging along despite changes in personnel at all levels of the organization. There’s a consistent culture that includes a strong risk tolerance born of necessity, something that seems to allow them a bit more freedom on and off the field.

Though Milwaukee should face greater restrictions due to market size and revenue, it’s the Cubs who come across as being more beholden to budgetary constraints. It’s like shopping at Aldi rather than Whole Foods or whatever. Jed Hoyer may have bougier name brands in his pantry, but Matt Arnold has been cooking up better meals during his time leading baseball ops in Milwaukee.

Since Hoyer took over for Theo Epstein ahead of the 2021 season, the Cubs are 378-387 (.494) while the Brewers are 439-326 (.574). The North Siders haven’t won more than 83 in a season in that span; the Brewers haven’t won fewer than 86. Even with the lack of postseason success, it’s quite evident they’ve done a much better job of putting themselves in a position to compete into October.

Not only have the Cubs been sitting at home and watching the playoffs, they’ve repeatedly sat on their own balls when doing so. And the worst — or best, depending on how you choose to view it — is that they know what’s happening and have publicly acknowledged as much. Hoyer cupped his junk when he repeatedly noted the team’s need to add impact pitching at the deadline, then watched as his biggest acquisition went on the IL after two innings.

This is the same thing as me trying to peck out a text and continually fat-fingering the same wrong letter five times in a row despite taking pains to get it right. When the alternatives are to break either my phone or my fingers, laughing about the whole mess seems like a much better alternative. Now we can all hope the Cubs find a way to make us all look silly for doubting them; if not, we’re going to need our senses of humor more than ever.