The Rundown Ultralite: Santana to AZ, Sox Installing Bidets, Jays Interested in Valdez

This one wouldn’t even be worth publishing under other circumstances, but I find myself with about 15 minutes of free time and would like to be minimally productive. It’s pretty wild to be in South Florida and have people freaking out about temperatures in the mid-30s overnight. A friend I spoke with said the local news channels were warning people to drip their faucets and keep their cabinets open because it might get down to 28 degrees. Sure, Jan.

Anyway, here are some tidbits you might find interesting. Or not.

• Former Cubs great Carlos Santana didn’t look very smooth during his time on the North Side, but the soon-to-be 40-year-old has enough left in the tank to earn a one-year deal from the Diamondbacks. It’s only for $2 million, so not much risk for the Snakes.
• Zac Gallen is still seeking a home and could end up returning to the D-backs if he doesn’t find the right deal elsewhere. The Cubs have been mentioned as potential suitors for quite a while now, but the fit seems dubious unless Gallen is taking a massive discount. From the sounds of it, he may be angling for a reunion.
• “People have been like, ‘Hey, we’d really love for you to come back,'” Gallen told Blake Niemann of Fox 10 Phoenix. “I think people understand what Phoenix means to me…For us to be here would be awesome.”
• The White Sox have long been a shitty organization, but recent plumbing upgrades may change that to some extent. At the request of Munetaka Murakami, the Sox are installing a bidet in their clubhouse. Their High-A affiliate, the Winston-Salem Dash, is following suit with some bidets of their own.
• “The White Sox will be clean from top to bottom as the High-A affiliate, we strive to do what is best for our players on and off the field,” said Dash president and GM Brian DeAngelis. “Therefore, we have installed bidets in the home clubhouse.”
• This will surely provide a competitive advantage over opponents who will be forced to continue using one-ply toilet paper.
• The Blue Jays have joined the Orioles as potential suitors for Framber Valdez, though everything points to Baltimore as being the far more aggressive party.
• The Washington Post has decided to close its sports department and plans to cover sports as a “cultural phenomenon,” according to executive editor Matt Murray. The plan is to retain several reporters to cover features.
• Great work you’re doing with the paper, there, Jeff Bezos. Sounds like maybe the multibillionaire could use a bidet of his own.

That’s all, folks.